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GratitudeIt is not happiness that brings us gratitude, it's gratitude that brings us happiness. |
Gratitude - there has been so much written about gratitude and the law of attraction - you almost don't know where to start. For me being grateful and practicing the law of attraction has given me a feeling of inner peace. I have finally reached that point in my life where I realise that I am very lucky for everything in my life and want for nothing. I have a loving family and don't need or want anything more than that. You could ask for lots but I've found that it is the small and simple things that really matter - family, love, friends, being able to just be you...
I buy a diary every year from here: https://gratitudediary.co.nz/. This years one is just beautiful!! Although I try to write in it every night, that doesn't always happen - guess it is just called life huh. Anyway this is beautifully illustrated and very thoughtful.
Practice Gratitude
When I first heard about practicing gratitude as a way to find inner peace, contentment, and lasting happiness, it seemed ridiculous to me. It was too simplistic, too cliche. I wanted to dismiss it, but I couldn’t. So I decided to follow the research and see where it led me; for a few months, I would practice gratitude intentionally and regularly. I was sure it wouldn’t work and certain that my experiment would allow me to feel justified in dismissing it as the solution it was purported to be.
My first step was to write down three good things about my day. I did it every day, even on days when this was a struggle. In one study participants who were asked to do this for 21 days reported feeling more optimistic, less anxious, and even slept better — immediately after and three and six months after the study. Another study showed that participants who kept a gratitude journal for 10 weeks reported having fewer health problems and spent more time exercising.
My second step was making a rule to say thank you at least once a day. When you say thank you (and mean it) the person receiving it responds by being grateful to you and they also feel appreciated. Expressing gratitude to others has been shown to do everything from improving romantic relationships to increasing happiness and depressive symptoms.
New research has shown that positive interactions with strangers lead to feeling more cheerful and increasing your sense of belonging. So saying thank you to a barista who makes your coffee can lead to feeling happier just like saying thank you to a friend does.
My third gratitude habit was to pause and savour something once a day. It sounds silly to have to learn to do this, but I realized the stress of my early life had made pausing and savouring moments seem like another luxury I couldn’t afford. It was once said to me that you no longer see the beauty around you - it's so true! When is the last time you noticed a flower, or how beautiful nature is? Truth is we rush through every day without a second thought to anything beautiful around us. Every day I try to be more present, every day I try to notice the beauty around me. I would literally stop to smell the flowers I’d bought for our kitchen. In one study students were instructed to savour two pleasurable experiences per day and reflect on each for a few minutes. They showed significant increases in happiness and reduction in negative feelings.
There are three steps to savouring: Anticipate the experience, be present during it — no checking email while drinking your coffee — and then reflect on it for a few minute to extend its positive effect. Anticipation is key; studies have shown that planning a vacation makes you feel happier than actually taking it.
Here’s the punch line: Despite my skepticism, practising gratitude changed my life.
It didn’t turn me into some happy-go-lucky person I was never meant to be (or, frankly, wanted to be). But I developed a fundamentally different way of thinking and moving through life, one in which I stopped taking for granted all the tiny good moments that were already part of it. I stopped looking for happiness out there and learned to find it right here. I felt more connected to friends, family, and my colleagues, and even on the toughest days, I managed my stress better (which research shows are a long-lasting effect of practising gratitude).
My advice? Give gratitude a shot.
If you’re skeptical, do it anyway. If your reaction as you’re reading this is, “This is so not for me,” do it as an experiment. Gratitude is a skill and a habit you can cultivate, and just because it doesn’t come naturally, doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you or you won’t be able to feel the benefits that come with nurturing your gratitude habit.
When I first heard about practicing gratitude as a way to find inner peace, contentment, and lasting happiness, it seemed ridiculous to me. It was too simplistic, too cliche. I wanted to dismiss it, but I couldn’t. So I decided to follow the research and see where it led me; for a few months, I would practice gratitude intentionally and regularly. I was sure it wouldn’t work and certain that my experiment would allow me to feel justified in dismissing it as the solution it was purported to be.
My first step was to write down three good things about my day. I did it every day, even on days when this was a struggle. In one study participants who were asked to do this for 21 days reported feeling more optimistic, less anxious, and even slept better — immediately after and three and six months after the study. Another study showed that participants who kept a gratitude journal for 10 weeks reported having fewer health problems and spent more time exercising.
My second step was making a rule to say thank you at least once a day. When you say thank you (and mean it) the person receiving it responds by being grateful to you and they also feel appreciated. Expressing gratitude to others has been shown to do everything from improving romantic relationships to increasing happiness and depressive symptoms.
New research has shown that positive interactions with strangers lead to feeling more cheerful and increasing your sense of belonging. So saying thank you to a barista who makes your coffee can lead to feeling happier just like saying thank you to a friend does.
My third gratitude habit was to pause and savour something once a day. It sounds silly to have to learn to do this, but I realized the stress of my early life had made pausing and savouring moments seem like another luxury I couldn’t afford. It was once said to me that you no longer see the beauty around you - it's so true! When is the last time you noticed a flower, or how beautiful nature is? Truth is we rush through every day without a second thought to anything beautiful around us. Every day I try to be more present, every day I try to notice the beauty around me. I would literally stop to smell the flowers I’d bought for our kitchen. In one study students were instructed to savour two pleasurable experiences per day and reflect on each for a few minutes. They showed significant increases in happiness and reduction in negative feelings.
There are three steps to savouring: Anticipate the experience, be present during it — no checking email while drinking your coffee — and then reflect on it for a few minute to extend its positive effect. Anticipation is key; studies have shown that planning a vacation makes you feel happier than actually taking it.
Here’s the punch line: Despite my skepticism, practising gratitude changed my life.
It didn’t turn me into some happy-go-lucky person I was never meant to be (or, frankly, wanted to be). But I developed a fundamentally different way of thinking and moving through life, one in which I stopped taking for granted all the tiny good moments that were already part of it. I stopped looking for happiness out there and learned to find it right here. I felt more connected to friends, family, and my colleagues, and even on the toughest days, I managed my stress better (which research shows are a long-lasting effect of practising gratitude).
My advice? Give gratitude a shot.
If you’re skeptical, do it anyway. If your reaction as you’re reading this is, “This is so not for me,” do it as an experiment. Gratitude is a skill and a habit you can cultivate, and just because it doesn’t come naturally, doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you or you won’t be able to feel the benefits that come with nurturing your gratitude habit.
Here’s what I have learned about starting a gratitude practice:
1. Commit.
This is a spiritual practice that gains momentum over time and with practice. If you are like me you will have days where you can find every reason under the sun why you can't possibly do it. (Isn't putting the rubbish out much more important?!)
Gratitude doesn't seem to come as easily as grumbling does, and you will likely resist this exercise until the cows come home, as they say in New Zealand. Waiting for the resistance to pass is futile. Just do it.
I have learnt from this experience that even when you can hardly summon up the energy to shift into gratitude—even when you have to force yourself to begin, it still has magnetizing power.
2. Begin.
So do it. Sit down with pen and paper or at your computer and start, “I am grateful for …” Maybe you will have to stop there for a minute and wait because you just can't think of anything. But just wait. Surrender to the moment. Something inside you will shift. The words will come.
This force that you are tapping into is bigger than you and it is bigger than your problem, no matter how big that is. That tide of fear that is overwhelming you is not all there is. There is so much more to you than that.
Your gratitude list is a bridge across those troubled waters to a resting place on the other side.
3. Write it down.
Sometimes, if we were both very busy, we would tell each other what we were grateful for during our daily phone conversation. For some reason I never felt this had as much power as writing. There was just something about the energy that seemed to surround the written list that set it apart.
4. Feel it.
Some days you will write without feeling a shred of gratitude. That's ok. Just do it anyway. And when you can summon up the feeling of gratitude in your heart, let it percolate through every cell in your body. Embody it. Place your hands on your heart. Raise your head, lift your body up, and raise your arms.
Move into the feeling. Dance it. Sing it. Aspire to a fullness of heart, no matter what is going on around you.
5. Choose a set time of day.
You may want to do this when you first wake in the morning or late at night before you go to sleep. I do mine every night before I sleep.
6. Practice present-moment gratitude.
As you move through your day, pause now and then when you remember, and think as you do something “I am grateful.”
I like to do this with my morning cup of tea. Try touching your tea or coffee cup with gentle love and appreciation before you take your first sip. Moving through your day with awareness and grace in this way will mean that when you do sit down to write your gratitude list those things will come to mind.
7. Share the gratitude.
Partner with someone. You may not have a life partner half a world away as I do (lucky you!) but find someone to partner with. You will keep each other going and that sense of obligation to that person will give you the push you need to write your list on those days when it just seems too hard.
Reading what the other person has written helps you to access your own gratitude more easily, and it is fun to watch your gratitude email grown longer and longer and longer! You can see your progress.
8. Don’t stop once you start to see results!
When we first began to see results we thought we'd take a break from gratitude for a while. We quickly saw though that the energy surrounding our recovery would then start to lag and lose some of its oomph. So we'd drag ourselves back into the practice again and, as if by magic, our recovery would regain its momentum.
9. Allow yourself to be human.
Grumble if you must. Miss the odd day here and there. Write “I am grateful I am writing my gratitude list” five times if you can think of nothing else. You may find that sometimes you go three or four days without writing.
You could deal with that by either playing catch up—writing a few days in one—or by just letting those few days go and starting back again where you left off. Beware the little voice that says “You've missed a day. You've failed miserably at being grateful!” Ignore it. Get back up on your horse and keep riding!
Your best awaits you!
